First and Goal!

I'm officially 6 months out from surgery, and I'm down to 221! I haven't been under 220 in a good 6 years. A full 30 pound weight loss plus change (as in that extra pound)! I feel like I'm right at the 1 yard line about to score a touchdown! If you can believe it, I actually ASKED my husband to take a picture of me with the girls this morning. This is the first picture in maybe forever - at least since having the girls - that I've requested a picture be taken of me. Others have been taken against my will of course.

Went shopping yesterday for the first time since surgery and bought a few new outfits that FIT! Also, I got measured for and bought a supportive bra from Lane Bryant....only 1 though b/c I'm seeing a surgeon on Thursday about a breast reduction and lift. I hear it is a painful surgery, but after toting around DD's for as long as I can remember, I can handle the pain. Plus, insurance pays for it...and I still have the filter in that helps to block blood clots. That has to come out soon, and once it is out, there is no way in hell I'm going to have it put back in for elective surgery. So, figure I'll reduce the ta-tas while I have the benefit of the filter.

When I look at the before pictures on the right of my blog, and the after picture I'm posing here, I'm so proud of the progress. I've got so far to go, but I'm proud of what I've done so far...with lots of help from the lapband and support of fellow lapbanders, friends, family and followers. I couldn't have lost 30 pounds in 6 months if not for all of the support. More updates to follow of course, but now I'm off to get the children and begin the nightly routine.

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Today's Weight: 221 lbs
Surgery Date: March 17

26 and Counting

I've had several followers email recently asking for an update. When I saw the date of my last post, I could not believe it had been so long! I started this blog as a means of accountability. I promised the good, bad and ugly of my journey, and it appears as though I bailed amidst frustration. Overall, I feel like I've done well. So, my absence has been more about a busy life lately than anything else.

I am happy to report that I'm down to 226. So, that's 26 pounds lost in 5 months. I'll have my 6 month check up on September 24th. That's about 4 weeks away, and my goal is to be below 220! I want that more than just about anything right now. The doc has been pleased enough with my progress, saying 1 to 1.5 pounds per week is typical. If I average my loss over the 5 months, I'm on target. But, I haven't actually lost 1-1.5 pounds each week. Some weeks are better than others, but it's shaken out in the wash I guess.

I had my 3rd fill last week. At this point, I have 3 cc's of saline in my band. That sounds like alot, but a tiny medicine cup holds like 30 something cc's. Anyhow, I've FINALLY got enough restriction that I can really tell a difference. With the 2 other fills, I could eat just about anything without a bit of trouble as long as I chewed well. With this last fill, I'm staying fuller longer, I can't eat nearly as much, and I was sick for the first time over something I ate. I've read all about lapband patients vomiting after eating certain foods. This past weekend, I quickly ate a few bites of tuna and chased it with sugar free purple kool-aid. Not a good idea, and this sounds crazy, but I was relieved. Finally, I've got enough restriction to make a difference. I'll spare you the details but will say I've never experienced such pain.

Below are pictures of things that weigh 26 pounds. I've gone from a size 24 to an 18/20 in pants and a 3x to a 1-2x in shirts. It hasn't been easy, and it's not a fast loss, but it's working. I'm taking it a day at a time, would do it again, and would recommend it to anyone.

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Today's Weight: 226 lbs
Surgery Date: March 17

In my last update, I was all pumped up over a 20 pound weight loss since surgery in March. Most recently, I feel like this lady, only about weight loss and not my job which I happen to love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W3hzJNSkqs

For months, I've been teetering between 230-234 pounds, up and down one day to the next. The lowest I've been is 230, and I think today I was 233.5. Granted, I'm coming off a week long vacation during which I didn't make the best food choices. When eating poorly, I've choosen, for example, a kids meal instead of an adult sized meal, but the food was still unhealthy. I'd justify it by thinking a child sized McDonald's burger and small fry is a fraction of the calories of what "the old me" would have consumed at one meal. But, in reality, I don't need to be eating 500 calories and 20+ fat grams from a kids meal, even if 4 months ago I would have eaten over 1200 calories and 70 fat grams at one meal!

I mentioned to my best friend in an email that this is a day to day battle. On some days, I fight the food demons and have trouble with portion control. I'm not eating what a normal person would think is alot, b/c the lapband really does make me feel full pretty fast, but preparing a plate or ordering a meal according to the size that I should be consuming has been difficult. And, I usually eat whatever I put on my plate, and I need to have more self control over that. As I read her response, I was disgusted with myself b/c I looked down and what was in my hand but a cheese stick. I mean, really, I don't need to be eating freaking cheese sticks. My own actions are preventing me from losing this weight more quickly. I wish I could fix whatever it is within myself that results in bad choices.

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Today's Weight: 233.5 lbs
Surgery Date: March 17

My First Milestone

Today is 7 weeks since lapband surgery, and I've finally reached my first milestone. I've teetered between 235 and 239 since week 3. A week ago today, I had my first fill. It wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be. No pain, just a little discomfort while the doc tried to get the needle in the just right place on the port. Apparently my port is slanted a little....at first he thought it had flipped...but he finally was able to locate the right spot by pointing the needle at my right breast...lovely experience!

Over the weekend, I saw 232 for the first time since surgery. That's an official 20 pound weight loss. I'd hoped to be further along by now but am happy with my 20 pound loss. I try to stay positive by thinking about things that weigh 20 pounds: a turkey, a big rock, a dog and a fish.



I'm wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in more than a year. Bought smaller undies this weekend. I'm in dire need of a new bra - went from fastening on the outermost hook to the innermost hook and still too loose. I'm happy with my non-scale victories. 220's, here I come!


Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 232 lbs
Total Loss: 20 lbs in 7 weeks

Per Your Request...

I've had many MySpace/Facebook friends and followers ask if I was going to post before and after photos. I should have already shared the before photos but just took the time to do it today. It actually was hard finding before photos, because I've opted out of photos for as long as I can remember. I think the last one I took willingly is from my wedding in 2003! That explains the look on my face in the photos I've shared - all of the photos I was able to locate - from before the surgery. They all were taken without notice. I guess my family figured that was the only way they'd get a picture of me! I promise to post "after" photos soon. I need to get the Nikon out tonight and take a few shots to see what 16 pounds less looks like. I'll try and post those tonight.

Tomorrow morning I'm working out with two friends from work who also had the lapband. One has lost probably 100 pounds since September and the other has lost almost as much in a year. They've been working out religiously for a few months, even on Saturdays. I know the calorie burning is as important as the reduced portion sizes, healthy food choices and lots of water. So, I'm going to workout in the morning, get myself on a workout schedule, continue with portion/calorie control, drink more water and hopefully be posting more "after" pictures really soon.


Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 236 lbs
Total Loss: 16 lbs

Non-Scale Victories

I've been a little discouraged not to have seen a greater loss by now, but 16 pounds is more than I've lost on my own in as long as I can remember. Tomorrow finishes out week 5, and I see the doc for a checkup on April 27th. I'm really, really hoping for a fill b/c I don't feel much restriction, if any. I physically can't eat as much as before the surgery, which is the point, but as swelling has gone down, I don't get full as quickly as I did the first two weeks after surgery. I stay full for a long time, however. I used to sit at work and graze throughout the day, and I can honestly say that I've not had a "snack" at work since the surgery.

Because the scale hasn't been as friendly as I'd hoped, I was elated last week to celebrate 2 non-scale victories. Last Thursday, I was able to wear a pair of khaki pants that before the surgery I couldn't even get over my thunder thighs. No elastic, no flexible material, didn't have to suck in or lay on the bed to get them fastened. They went right on, zipped and buttoned with no problem. Then, on Friday, instead of putting on my baggy blue jeans that I've worn at least once per week for the last year, I tried on a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear in just as long. Yep...they went right on, buttoned with no problem, plenty of room. Today I'm wearing a shirt that 2 months ago I would have covered up with another layer. I can't put into words how great it feels to see a change in my clothing.

It's been nice hearing comments from people that I work with on how they can really see a difference already. However, the best most precious thing to me is the comments my little girl is making on how I need to go buy new clothes b/c the old ones are too big. We're only talking about a 16 pound loss at this point, but to know that she is noticing the weight loss just means everything to me. My girls are no longer asking me if I have a baby in my belly. Instead, they're saying things like, "Mommy, you need to go shopping for some smaller clothes b/c you're getting skinny and those clothes are too big for you already!" I'm a long way from skinny, but I'm taking this journey a day at a time, and I'm trying to focus on the non-scale victories when the number on the scale isn't what I'd hoped for.

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 236 lbs
Total Loss: 16 lbs

The Right Direction

Yes, I'm still alive! I've had many people recently inquire about my lack of presence on the blog. I've been a little busy with work and babies. Plus, I have to admit, it's alot easier to find the time to post when I'm doing better with weight loss. I feel more motivated to post when I've been successful than when I'm not doing as well as I'd hoped. But, I promised the good, the bad and everything inbetween...so, I need to do better about the updates.

I am finally headed in the right direction after gaining a few pounds last week. I've tried to drink more water, and I think that has made all the difference. I'm still not getting in the 40-64 oz per day, but I'm doing much better. I'm easily getting in 30 oz. The hubs and I are taking our girls to Destin in June, so I have a little added incentive to start exercising. I want to join our recreational center at work and have been threatening to for about 2 weeks now. Time to get off my big fat lazy and get it done!

We've got about 8 weeks before the beach trip, and I'd LOVE to be at my first goal of 200. I haven't been under 200 lbs in like 6 years. Realistically, I realize that may not happen by beach time b/c that would be a little over 4 pounds a week. I mean, unless you're a Biggest Loser contestant, I don't see anyone losing 4+ pounds per week. But, it's something to shoot for, right!?! I'm happy with my 16 lb weight loss so far, but I've yet to fall under 235. Keep me in your prayers, that I can push my limits, fight the food demons, get in all the liquid, and most of all EXERCISE! I go for a checkup in 2 weeks and want to be below 230.

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 236 lbs
Total Loss: 16 lbs

The Bad

When I started this blog, I did so with the intent to share my journey...the good, the bad and with unflitered honesty.

The Good: Obviously, I'm feeling better now that I have two weeks of recovery behind me. I'm not sore, my incisions are healing very well. I almost never have the sensation of feeling hungry, and when I eat, I get full quickly and stay full for a long time. I'm starting to notice differences in how my clothes fit, and people are starting to comment on how they can really see that I've lost weight already. My mom couldn't believe the difference from the time she saw me before surgery and two weeks afterward.

The Bad: The scale sucks! I was down to 235 and in a few days have gone in the wrong direction by a few pounds. I went from pretty much having soup and water last week to being able to add pureed/very soft foods. The problem is soft foods have lots of carbs. Even still, I'm only consuming about 500 calories in an entire day. So, carbs or not, I don't get the weight gain. I know I'm not drinking enough liquid b/c in an entire 8 hour work day, I may pee once. I'll refrain from sharing other issues where the potty is concerned. Unless my body thinks it's being starved and is hanging on to everything I put in it, I just don't know what's going on with the gain. Ugh!!!

I'm a little frustrated, but that just means I need to make some adjustments. Obviously, I'm not drinking enough and not getting enough protein in. My co-worker/fellow lapbander suggested that I not eat out at all right now b/c even the soft foods in restaurants are impossible to gauge in terms of calories. She also suggested that I bring my scales to her so she can lock them up. I'm a slave to the scale....can't get into the shower in the morning until I've stepped on the scale to measure the fruits of my labor. That wasn't such a bad thing when I was seeing 2 pounds lost per day!

Now that I'm feeling better physically, it's time to start exercising. I'm going to join (again for the 3rd or 4th time) the recreational center on campus and make it a point to go a few days a week to start, going to take family walks in the afternoons and see how these changes impact the weight loss.


Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 239 lbs
Total Loss: 13 lbs

The Incredible Shrinking Feet

Until returning to work this week, I pretty much wore flip flops when shoes were needed, basically b/c they were easier to get on and off with limited mobility. To my surprise, yesterday I put on a pair of Clarks that I often wear to work, and there's at least a 1/2 inch of room in them that wasn't there prior to surgery. In high school, I wore a size 5 to 5 1/2 and when I got pregnant/fat, my foot grew to about a size 7. I just assumed it was hormones.

I guess Bertha Butt + Fat Tummy + Thunder Thighs = Big Chubby Foot

To my surprise, co-workers are already noticing the weight loss. I can see it most in my face, I feel it in my shoes obviously, and a little in my clothes. My double chin is just a week or two away from being non-existent. That's a great, great, great feeling! I'm enjoying the few pounds per day loss now, because I know it will slow to a pound or two per week as soon as I can have something other than liquid. Right now, I'm only 35 pounds away from my first goal and have experienced no difficulties...other than mentally having a tough time watching family and friends pig out on good food while I sip soup. But, I've had 10 years of pigging out...now it's time to get healthy!

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 235 lbs
Total Loss: 17 lbs

One Week After Surgery

I've enjoyed a full week off work for Spring Break, which I spent recovering from the surgery and adjusting to a full liquid diet. The pain in my left side is almost gone, and I've felt a little better each day. Compared to where I was a week ago, I feel like a whole new woman! I can't imagine how great I'll feel next month...or better yet, this time next year.

I had my one week checkup with the surgeon yesterday. He removed a little stitch and ordered one more week on soups, protein shakes, etc. "Yummo", as Rachel Ray would say. It hasn't been that bad really. And, I'm down a few more pounds, so I'll take another week of liquids! I do miss chewing, and larger portions although I physically can't consume more than about 1/4 cup of soup right now. I literally feel like I've eaten Thanksgiving dinner after just that small amount. But, to go from filling a bowl with food to just a few tablespoons at the bottom of the bowl, that plays a mind game on you. I have to say, it has been difficult seeing others pack it in while I'm sip, sip, sipping!

I still struggle with getting everything in that I should be in a day's time. Because I'm not hungry, and I do get full very quickly, it's hard to fit in the 40-64 oz of liquid and 50+ grams of protein. I returned to work today, my first day back since surgery. My fellow lap-banders/friends at work scolded me a little, because as of 11 am, I'd only had a few ounces of water the whole day. They are part of my really great support system and made some suggestions on how I can get all of this in. I really do need to make an effort to do better...I like my hair and don't want it to fall out, and I don't want to dehydrate. My hubby is a little thin on top and it's a good look on him....me,probably not so much.

Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Pre-Op Weight: 250 lbs
Today's Weight: 237 lbs
Total Loss: 15 lbs

Post-Op Update

As mentioned in the previous posting, I had surgery on Tuesday of this week and came home Wednesday morning. My friends at work who had this surgery experienced very little pain, but I haven't been quite as lucky. The pain hasn't been horrible, but I have had to take advantage of the liquid hydrocodone a few times. I'm walking and resting well. The incisions are healing well and swelling is starting to subside. When I stand from a sitting position, or if I bend over even slightly, I have a very sharp pain in my left side. If I brace my side with my hand when standing or bending, the pain isn't so bad. I have my follow-up appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday.

My sister and husband have been great caregivers, and my friends have been wonderful. One brought the most delicious soup my first day home, and many have called, emailed, and sent text messages checking on me daily. My parents are taking care of my girls for 2 weeks so that I can focus on recovery. I can't say enough about my support system. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends and family!

All together, today was the best day physically since surgery. Today was my first day out of the house other than to stroll around the block. The husband took me to Walmart, Lowes and we drove around house-looking. We got home and received a call from a potential buyer for our home. We're keeping our fingers crossed and saying lots of prayers that these people will make an offer. For the first time since we've been married, my husband folded a load of laundry and started another by himself/without being asked, he cooked homemade soup for me tonight and loaded the dishwasher. I don't know if he was doing it b/c he knew I'd have a hard time doing it myself or if watching Firestorm earlier in the week resulted in a few random acts of kindness. Either way...I'll take it!

It's crazy how effective the lapband is. From the time I came out of surgery until the next afternoon, all I even wanted was a few ice chips here and there. While at the hospital, my sister poured Crystal Light in a cup for me, and I felt like I sipped it for hours. I really felt like I'd had alot of it, and when saw the bottle on check-out day, I realized I may have had 2 tablespoons tops. The soup my friend brought my first night home was so good and such a treat. I took little bitty tiny bites b/c I knew I'd fill up fast. That's probably been the hardest part of this process. I'm never very hungry, and as soon as I eat the smallest amount, I'm so full I feel like I've just eaten Thanksgiving dinner! That's the point of the lapband...small portions, full faster than normal, etc. During these initial stages, they recommend 40-64 ounces of liquid per day and something like 60 grams of protein. That's just been impossible these first few days. The feeling of fullness is a blessing, but adjusting to not being able to consume more than a few tablespoons of anything has been hard. At best, I can eat 1/4 cup of soup. My mouth wants more but my tummy says....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO MORE!!!

When I started the blog on Feb 24, my weight was 252.
Today, my weight is 241.

~4 Days Post-Surgery~

Mission Completed

Thank you for your prayers, words of encouragement, calls and emails. The lapband surgery went as planned. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember being wheeled to the operating room. I've had more pain than expected, but nothing that a little morphine and liquid loritab haven't been able to handle. My two friends at work who had the lapband surgery within the last year experienced very little pain. I did have an abdominal/reconstructive surgery three years ago to repair damage caused by 2 c-sections, so maybe I had more scar tissue....or maybe I'm just a whimp!

I have 4 small incisions and 1 larger incision. They seem to be healing well. I did run a fever last night and my sat levels were low, but using a breathing device to expand my lungs corrected that problem. For this surgery, the stomach is filled with gas so the doctor has the space he needs to maneuver the tools. Because of this, I've had some gas pains and swelling. All of this is normal, and walking will help the gas to absorb and swelling to subside.

I was discharged at 7:45 this morning. I'm home and resting comfortably. Day before yesterday was a clear liquid diet, and since surgery, all I've had is ice chips and about 2 ounces of Crystal Light. I've got a Dannon Light and Fit yogurt smoothie I'm going to sip on, and I'm looking forward to a little soup later today.

Your prayers are much appreciated as I continue to recover and adjust to a new lifestyle.

The Big Day

Today has been nine months in the making...the first day of the rest of my life. I wouldn't have had the courage to make this decision without the support of my family and friends. I've decided to have weight loss surgery out of love for my family and the desire to live a long healthy life.

I can't thank my followers, friends and family enough for your support and prayers. The support I've received from my friends at work has been invaluable. To my parents, sister, husband and babies, thank you for holding my hand while I take the journey to a healthier me. And, to my best friend of 15+ years, thank you for inspiring me. I love you all.

~2 Hours Pre-Lapband~

IVC Filter Update

The IVC filter placement wasn't as bad as I'd expected. I arrived at 7 am and wasn't taken to the procedure table until 2 1/2 hours later. Until then, I was in a hospital bed behind a mostly closed curtain listening to the intake nurses ask the same list of questions to the patient in the space next to mine and on the other side of him. One man's platelet count was so low they were making him wait for his procdure, then the little man next to me had to be physically lifted by a team of nurses from his wheelchair onto the hospital bed. The intake nurse had to ask him each question at least 3 times to get an answer, so I laughed a little to myself when she got to the question, "Do you wear a hearing aid device?" When he finally answered her after she repeated the question a few times, his answer was "No, but I should!"

My husband was in the waiting room this entire time chatting it up with the low platelet man's wife. He's still taking about this little elderly woman, who he recipe swapped with for hours. Her husband had suffered from bone cancer and recently had a blood transfusion. He felt so good after the transfusion, he'd been working in the yard, which he'd not done in years. It's amazing what you learn about people you've never met and how conversations in hospital waiting rooms can touch your heart. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to see a loved one suffer from such a horrible illness. It's times like these that force us to see how truly blessed we are.

With that said, I feel guilty for whining about the IVC filter on the last posting. As I said, it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. It was very uncomfortable, the sedation wasn't nearly enough b/c I knew exactly where I was and what was happening, but the numbing shots hurt more than the procedure itself. I could feel the catheter moving up my vein, but it wasn't terribly painful. I didn't know I'd have to lay flat in an outpatient room for 3 hours after the procedure, but it was a good opportunity to sneak in a nap.

~34 Hours Pre-Lapband~

FREAKED beyond belief!!!

Ok, so I met the weight loss doc face-to-face for the first time today. He asked if I had questions, and I told him my only concern was the bloodclots I had from the big-time surgery 3 years ago. Immediately, doc scheduled me for a bonus procedure in the morning. I have to be at the hospital at 7 am so some type of radiologist can run a IVC filter up through a vein in my groin! Oh, the best part is they'll offer me MILD SEDATION! I mean, knock a girl out all the way!!!

So, as if I weren't freaked out enough already, I got home and started googling while my kids played in the bath. Um....IVC filters can "migrate" to your heart or lungs if they break loose and can cause death.....which is what we're trying to prevent in the first place....death by bloodclots. I'm a nervous wreck. I went googling to find out about the procedure...mostly if I'd feel anything while MILDLY sedated...and now until it's removed (from my freaking jugular vein by the way)...I'll be thinking about this MF-er "migrating."

Don't know what an IVC Filter is? Neither did I - this is what I found: http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=VenaCavaFilter

Please keep me in your prayers Friday morning (Oh God, it's Friday the 13th!), as I go have this procedure done. I'm scared out of my mind!!!

~4 Days Pre-Lapband~

If I wasn't freaked out before...

I don't know if YouTubing before surgery is a good idea or not, but that's exactly what I've done. You'd think I would have searched out the weight loss surgery videos when I started this process 9 months ago, but I didn't even look before today. Although I'm a little freaked out after watching the surgery video, I still wish I was having it tomorrow!

As I mentioned in a previous posting, the visits to my blog have been more than I ever could have anticipated. Strangers are finding me by googling, they're coming to my blog via Crazy Texas Mommy, and from social networking pages. My googlers found me because they were looking for lapband blogs, while my friends and family coming from Facebook or MySpace have no idea what the lapband is or does. So, I thought I'd share the surgery video here for those who are interested in learning about the band. Warning: not for those with weak stomachs!

I've also found a really great video blog where a woman, Becca, shares her lapband journey.
Episode 1 - a few weeks after surgery
Episode 2 - 3 months after surgery
Episode 3 - Becca gets a fill
Episode 4 - Non-scale victories
Episode 5 - 60 pounds lost
Episode 6 - Becca experiences a setback

I've had the benefit of witnessing two friends' lapband journeys. They both have done wonderfully....they look amazing, you can tell they feel great, and have had no complications. One had the surgery 5 months ago and has lost 75 pounds. These ladies have been very supportive of my journey, and I'm inspired by them everyday.


~12 Days Pre-Lapband~

Multitudes of Butterflies

I'm 14 days away from life changing surgery, and I must admit, the butterflies have arrived. And, I don't mean just a few....I mean hundreds or more!!

In March 2006, I had a surgery that resulted in 4 bloodclots, 2 which went through my heart and into my lungs. All the doctors said I should have died. After a rough week long ICU visit, hooked up to oxygen and monitors, and doctors skirting around my question, "Am I out of the woods - will I live?", I was released from the hospital and spent the next 6 months on blood thinner and weekly checkups. I swore I'd never have another elective surgery, and here I'm about to do it. I told this to my GYN doctor last week and he said, "Well I don't think this is elective...I think it's life saving!" I agree, but I'm still a little scared b/c this is my first surgery since the near death experience.

I had my farewell to "really good but bad for me food" yesterday. I spent the weekend eating spaghetti, garlic bread, apple crisp with cream cheese icing and vanilla ice cream, knowing that I may not be able to tolerate these foods again, even after weight loss. For lunch yesterday, my husband and I ate at Logans, chosen for the delicious yeast rolls. Last night, we had dinner with our children at Olive Garden. From what I've read, lapband patients have trouble tolerating steak, bread, and pasta and a few other foods even in small amounts, so I've spent the last few days enjoying those things. Now it's time to get serious.

In preparation for surgery, I've decided to do very low carb/high protein for the next week then clear liquids for the last week leading up to the surgery. I thought I was doing good today by bringing turkey, mustard and 1/4 cup shredded cheese in a wheat/flax/oat pita that was only 4 carbs. I got to work and consulted with a friend who had lapband in September and learned that I even need to avoid the low carb pita b/c of the liver shrinking that needs to take place before surgery. It will be hard avoding the carbs this week and doing clear liquids next week, but I'll do whatever it takes to get ready for the surgery. And, I think doing this ahead of time will better prepare me for the change after surgery. Maybe then the lifestyle change won't be such a shock. I sure don't want to see the doctor on March 12 and him tell me there's more liver shrinking to be done before surgery the following Tuesday. No setbacks allowed!! I've come way too far.

~14 Days Pre-Lapband~

Vampires!!!

I went for pre-op labs today and could not believe they took 18 tubes of blood! What on earth could they need that much blood for?!? My best friend in the widest of worlds had bypass last June and didn't have that much blood taken for pre-op labs. I had a super huge big time surgery in 2006 and didn't have that much taken. WTF!

What's worse than the amount of blood they took is how long it took the lab tech to find a juicy vien. Because my sister is a nurse, I really try to exercise patience when nurses or lab techs go diving for blood. I mean, they don't intentionally miss...and dig...and miss...and dig... That is, unless the phlebotomist is also a sadist.

~15 Days Pre-Lapband~

Welcome Friends

I started this blog less than a week ago, and I am overwhelmed by the support I've received so far. I feel honored to have received each comment made on the blog, 65 visits in a matter of days, several followers and many emails. I'm so thankful for the support and kind words.

On her blog, my aunt talks about my use of "unfiltered honesty". We've all heard that the first step to recovery is admitting you've got a problem, and I'm willling to try anything at this point! My hope is that by laying it all out there, telling my story and sharing my progress and pitfalls, that I'll be more accountable. I'm over hiding behind the scale.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for visiting my blog, making comments, for your prayers and for forcing me to be accountable.



~16 Days Pre-Lapband~

Do You Have a Baby in Your Belly?

Children are so innocent, and filters are completely absent. My 5 and 3 year old little girls have been on a kick lately of saying, "Mommy, you have a baby in your belly!" They laugh hysterically after they say it. There are a few pregnant preschool parents, so I guess that's where this is stemming from. Cutting me would hurt less.

A little boy at their preschool cornered me last year. He said, "You're really fat. My dad used to be really fat. Now he's not fat, but you really are." Thank God my little girl didn't hear him. There have been other preschool children who very innocently have asked if I had a baby in my belly. Now my own children....that's icing on the cake. I hold my breath when I drop them off or pick them up from preschool...knowing that at any moment a child could say, "hey, why are you so fat?!?!"

My 5 year old doesn't want me to have the weight loss surgery. She asks me all the time why I want to be skinny. She says, "Aunt Candi is happy like she is, why aren't you happy like you are." She says she loves me like I am, and she's not sure she'll recognize me if I'm not fat. She asks if my hair will stay brown, if it will be straight or curly, if I will still get pimples on my face after I lose weight. She's something else, that one.

~18 Days Pre-Lapband~

Lowest Low, Highest High

Within minutes of arriving to work, I got a call from the weight loss surgeons' head nurse. She proceeds to tell me that insurance requires 7 consecutive monthly weigh-ins before they will approve the weight loss surgery, and my file indicated I'd had 6 as of 12/30. If one month is missed during that time period, the patient has to start all over at weigh-in #1, yada yada. I think my heart actually stopped for a second! I just didn't have it in me to wait 7 more months!

Luckily, my primary care doc had left off a weigh-in. We quickly resolved the issue, and within a minute of a lowest low, I experienced a highest high! I received "official" insurance approval for the surgery, and even better than that, an "official" surgery date.

On March 17th - 9 months after I began the lapband approval process - I finally will have the surgery. I do pre-op labs this coming Monday, meet with the nutritionist and doctor the following week, and days later have the surgery. I did a little YouTubing today and came across a really great before/after video. And another. There are actually too many to list here.

I can't even begin to imagine how great it will feel to see the extra baggage melt away over time.

Little Black Dress

I crossed another hurdle today. Of all the tests the doc could have required I have before surgery, the psych eval was the only one he requested. I hear this is common among weight loss surgery patients...docs wanting to make sure the WLS patient's frame of mind is where it should be prior to surgery. Good news...I'm all clear!

The appointment with the psychologist went well. We basically just talked about the things I shared in my posting from yesterday. We talked about my obsession with weight and that no matter how thin I ever was, I always perceived myself as fat. The psychologist had a great recommendation. She asked that prior to surgery I buy an outfit in a size I feel a thin person can wear. She asked that I hang this outfit in a place where it can be seen daily and visualize myself wearing that outfit. When I finally am able to wear it, I'll truly know I've won the battle. It's worth a try!

My goal is not to weigh a certain amount or wear a certain size. I have an idea in mind of what healthy on me will look like. Now, it's time to go shopping for that little black dress.

Hope on the Horizon

I've been overweight most of my life, and even when I wasn't overweight, I felt like I was. This is a battle I've fought for as long as I can remember. And, even though I know there's so much more to me than the number on the scale, that number has owned me more days of my life than not.

I'm 31 years old, and I can tie my obsession with the scale back to 7th grade gym class. Students would fill the gym floor in grid style, sitting on the floor, row after row. I don't remember who sat in front of me, behind or to the right of me...but I vividly remember the kid that sat to the left. Van Franklin...the jock type, not a bad kid, I actually liked him a little. Maybe that's what made it so heartbreaking when he told me out of the blue one day that I had a pretty face and he'd date me if I'd lose 50 pounds. At that time, I was maybe 140 pounds.

Richard Brown didn't do me any favors either. During the summer after 7th grade, my family moved acorss town, and I started 8th grade at a new school.....a school filled with mostly, or at least seemingly, wealthy kids. As if being the new kid in this kind of school wasn't bad enough, I had homeroom everyday with Richard Brown. I was his target. "Hey, fat girl!" That was his favorite thing to say in front of the entire class. Man, that was horrible. One day a teacher asked me what was wrong, and I told her Richard was calling me fat girl. Her reply, "well aren't you fat?"

After a summer of crackers, water, hardly eating much else and lots of walking, I started 9th grade out at 115 lbs. I still thought I was fat. From that point on, high school was pretty uneventful. It is interesting to note that in 11th grade, Van Franklin took me to homecoming, his prom and later to mine. Looking back, I should have had more self respect and told him to kiss my ass but at the time was flattered that my appearance finally met his approval. Oh, and by the way, dude was a horrible kisser!

In college, I dated a guy for a few years that I thought was "the one." The more comfortable I got, the more pounds I gained. I graduated from college at about 160 pounds. There was plenty of emotional baggage with this guy, who said he'd marry me when I could wear a single digit wedding dress. Your guess is as good as mine as to why I stayed with him. I could host an entire blog on red flags and warning signs based on this one guy alone.

In 2002, I met a man who loved all 160 pounds of me. We were married a year later, and now we have two sweet little girls. Between the 2 pregnancies and 6 years of marriage to a man who loves me for me, I've gained almost 100 pounds. My little girl starts kindergarten this August, and the thought of children making fun of her fat mommy breaks my heart. Kids can be cruel, but they are brutally honest. Yes, Ms. Young from 8th grade, I am fat, but that doesn't soften the blow. Adults should know better but unfortunately can be just as cruel as children who haven't learned social cues.

Because weight is just a number and doesn't define who I am as a person, I am officially admitting that today at my annual GYN visit, I topped the scales at 252 pounds. I am 5 feet tall. My BMI is 49.2. One other fact that makes the above easier to admit is that hope is on the horizon. To quote Queen Latifah, "I want to be a size healthy." For this reason, I am having the lapband weight loss surgery in the coming weeks.

I've mentioned some past experiences that emotionally have had an effect on me, but let there be no misunderstanding here...I take responsibility for my reactions to those experiences. At the end of the day, there's more to being overweight than eating and exercise. Some people have health issues, others emotional issues, and hell, some people just like to eat and lay around.
In the last 10 years, I've tried everything to lose weight, although I admit most attempts have been half hearted. And, while I know the lapband is not a miracle cure but rather a weight loss tool, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be healthy, to see my children grow, to enjoy life in it's fullest again, and to know that my husband not only loves me for me but also thinks I'm smokin' hot. For the first time since 7th grade, I want to be comfortable in my own skin and to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'm not fat. Yes indeed, hope is on the horizon.