In my last update, I was all pumped up over a 20 pound weight loss since surgery in March. Most recently, I feel like this lady, only about weight loss and not my job which I happen to love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W3hzJNSkqs
For months, I've been teetering between 230-234 pounds, up and down one day to the next. The lowest I've been is 230, and I think today I was 233.5. Granted, I'm coming off a week long vacation during which I didn't make the best food choices. When eating poorly, I've choosen, for example, a kids meal instead of an adult sized meal, but the food was still unhealthy. I'd justify it by thinking a child sized McDonald's burger and small fry is a fraction of the calories of what "the old me" would have consumed at one meal. But, in reality, I don't need to be eating 500 calories and 20+ fat grams from a kids meal, even if 4 months ago I would have eaten over 1200 calories and 70 fat grams at one meal!
I mentioned to my best friend in an email that this is a day to day battle. On some days, I fight the food demons and have trouble with portion control. I'm not eating what a normal person would think is alot, b/c the lapband really does make me feel full pretty fast, but preparing a plate or ordering a meal according to the size that I should be consuming has been difficult. And, I usually eat whatever I put on my plate, and I need to have more self control over that. As I read her response, I was disgusted with myself b/c I looked down and what was in my hand but a cheese stick. I mean, really, I don't need to be eating freaking cheese sticks. My own actions are preventing me from losing this weight more quickly. I wish I could fix whatever it is within myself that results in bad choices.
Starting Weight: 252 lbs
Today's Weight: 233.5 lbs
Surgery Date: March 17
You know what you need to do? Have you doctor print out a copy of your blood tests and and put them on the fridge and tape them to your dashboard. all those numbers that say you are going to be a sick old woman with heart disease and diabetes.... or better yet, just plain dead. scare the shit out of yourself.
ReplyDeletei've struggled with my weight since hitting thirty 8 years ago. I am sitting at 220 pounds down from 238 a few months ago and the only thing that keeps me on track is the fear of illness and death.
not to say i don't fall off the wagon, cause I do... but you have to get right back on and keep trucking. remind yourself how crappy you feel and that if you stick to it, you'll feel better.
you have one life. how do you want to live it?
keep the faith sister.